Looking for a copywriter job? Then learn the ad agency buzzwords…

Assets
Things that have earning power or some other value to the agency only when they reach  municipality garbage collectors. These include rejected brochures and promotional paraphernalia (big ones, medium ones, small ones, spot laminated ones, saddle-stitched ones, press bound ones etc) Style Only-No Brain client service executives, unhygienic pseudo creative guys.

Fixed Assets (also known as long-term assets) are things that have a life of more than 35 yrs but have no use for the advertising agency at present, for example old graphic designers dreaming about spray cans and have no necessary software skills, 1995 Mac machines, creative briefing tables; there are also intangible fixed assets, like the bad reputation of the agency for taking any job and promising to finish it on a single day, from painting the highway to sending people to moon.

Acid Quick Assets
Assets that are all curves but no brains. High heeled, highly made up (false hair, false eyelashes, false everything!) things that appear like comets. Nobody knows when a new one joins and when one quits: quick in both appearing and disappearing. Largely seen on husband/father visas.

Bear Market
In a bear market, creativity hibernates and creative team, anticipating job losses, tends to act busy. This can create a self-sustaining downward spiral. Clients will dictate terms even to an inter-galactic ad agency and art directors, copywriters, graphic designers, client service directors all will peacefully coexist like brothers. They even assemble to yawn as a team every half an hour.

When the market is bearish, client servicing guys look and act like poor rabbits. They will appear so cute that you will feel like pampering them at your laps and say sweet nothings into their ears. They pawn or sell their Mustangs, Corvettes, Suzukis, Kawasakis and BMWs and opt to walk home- alone. This soul reflecting lone act of walking helps them to brood on their credit card problems. (Also refer the title, Credit Crunch)

Credit Crunch
The situation is created when copywriters, graphic designers and client servicing guys lose all their money buying very expensive lifestyle gadgets like Black berries, iPhones, Mac Books etc. and look around for more money as  banks stop lending them. Suddenly they realize that when hungry they cannot eat these things and feels like a mermaid gifted with a pair of expensive shoes.

As they approach banks, they use a special mathematical formula to evaluate their potential repayment strength. This equation is as given below,

LRPc = [{[We x NCC] + 2 x HL +Nc} x Pseudo lifestyle index

LRPc is the loan Repayment capacity
We is the weight of one’s purse.[As the number of existing credit card increases, weight of the purse increases, hence reduced repayment capacity. Weight can also increase due to the presence of large number of coins, which in turn indicates the possibility that he is already a beggar. Thus lower repayment strength.]

NCC is the number of existing credit cards
HL is their greedy home loan which is also called Monkey business.
Nc is the number of sports cars.
Pseudo Lifestyle Index varies between 0 and 1. A normal advertising agency professional has this index between 0.5 and 1.