Know it from a dubai content writer: strategies and advertising agencies in the time of recession and financial crisis

Markets are not improving as we thought. So, we advertising guys (content writer and other unimportant creative guys) have gathered again to decide on output cuts once again as recession deepened. The prevailing pessimistic mood directly hit Dow Jones Industrial Average and Worldwide Index of Creativity & Effective Deception (WICKED in short) and both indices were pulled down by heavyweight advertising agencies dumping the market with stupid creatives.

We were all saddened by the international barrel rate for stupidity. The rate as of today is $ 34 per barrel. We, advertising agencies were enjoying a high price for our stupidity for the last 5 years as world was blind with real estate growth and was busy making money. (As ad guys, we know that money makes people blind, not love). Now as we have lost almost 75% of our 2008 (Q1) price, we, stupid gurus are all very much worried.

“We cannot sustain this low price for stupidity for a long time”, quotes a creative director as he jumped out of the window to escape the huge loan payments due on his recently bought Maserati Quattroporte. “We have to consistently invest on fake creativity, otherwise when the world is selfish again and comes back to make more money there will be a shortage of stupidity and all the real estate companies will suffer then”, people heard him holler as he went down 9.8 meters per second square.

“See, you don’t really get it. If real estate companies and financial institutions don’t exist, for whom will we say big fat lies?”, a copywriter who sat next to me whispered into my ears. “Which other industry will ask us to release full page color newspaper advertisements all through the months and yet is satisfied with our substandard work? When they became rich we became rich riding on their shoulders. We were dumping the markets with real estate related promotional paraphernalia then. Actually, we were reusing & recycling creatives and nobody knew.”

So what all we can do to keep WICKED and Donjons up?

We will cut our stupidity output to 23 MMbpd worldwide. This is almost 53% low compared to our last year stupidity output.

We will ask governments to bail out stupidity as it is the only characteristic that makes us human. (For this reason you can always find a stupid person but never a stupid animal)

We will introduce Creativity Default Swaps (CDS) and trade it against hedge funds.

We can overcome limited liquidity of stupidity by making more stupid creatives that will make more asses. As a choice, those who are already an ass can either be a jack ass or a dump ass.